Because we are created as mankind to interact and relate, it is naturally uneasy for anyone to be alone. We hate loneliness, we hate being isolated, we want to mix and mingle with people we love, we want to love and be loved back, we want to feel valued, accepted and wanted, we want to connect emotionally and psychologically with others, we want the human link and attachment, we love to love and want to be loved.
The natural need for company and companionship is the basis for family systems and communal living; the need to have people around us to mix and interact with is the natural basis for organized community behavior – birthing kingdoms, empires, and nations; having rulers and leaders. To banish a man from a community is to severely punish him because human beings are naturally designed to live, link and bond together.
Every one of us today have people connected and tied to us and we do relate with them on different basis and context including family, career, colleagues, neighborhood cohabitants and even religious congregants.
You are born into a family and as a baby, you relate first with your mother, then your father and other siblings, then with neighbors probably, then religious associates and schoolmates and it goes on throughout your lifetime.
Our growth and developmental process as humans is centered on people, community and perpetual social interaction. No man is an island, no man lives all by himself all through his life, in fact, survival without others is almost impossible; we live and abide together as one mankind, we live and survive off one another’s strengths, capacities, gifts, and abilities. No man can do everything all alone, all by himself. We all need other people to make it through life.
A major frustration we all face, however, is how to enjoy relating with others without issues, misunderstandings and fracas. Relationships have been one of the most challenging aspects of human existence. The ability to live cordially and at peace with one another have been very difficult, hence the clashes, battles and even wars amongst people and nations of the world. It’s been difficult living together as mankind on earth. As challenging as it is, a relationship is something we all still can’t do without.
It is natural for you to want to be loved, accepted, celebrated and valued by people. Your weaknesses and bad attitude notwithstanding, you still want to be accepted, understood and loved unconditionally.
The desire to be loved, wanted and accepted is a major factor influencing our lives and behaviors as people. Our choices and behaviours from childhood are strongly influenced by our desire to be wanted and accepted by our parents and our relatives. Our desperation for acceptance amongst our tribe and ethnic group has caused many of us to make huge sacrifices, give up on personal preferences and even jettisoned common sense and logical reasoning because we can’t handle the rejection of traditional origin and tribesmen.
Many of us today keep paying in every way possible for our friends and loved ones to keep paying us attention and relating with us at outrageous costs because them loving us is important to us.
We’ve sacrificed our personal pleasure, convenience and desire just to belong and be accepted by a group or clique we admire.
I have seen many men go through severe emotional distress and heartbreak because they desperately want to be loved and accepted by a lady who really isn’t that interested in them and I have seen many lovely ladies go through severe hurt, heart aches and abuse because of a man they love and cherish but does not really care that much about them.
Many of us work very hard and are in desperate pursuit of success and money because we want to be respected in our communities and the society at large. Many want to be popular and revered hence, will do anything to apprehend power.
Truth is many of us today are strongly driven in life not by what we want but by the respect, popularity and admiration our achievements and accomplishments will bring us.
Becoming an MD CEO wouldn’t be that compelling if everyone would still treat and relate with you like a manager; if there is no special treatment or VIP treatment attached to the office of the CEO, many people wouldn’t want it.
If the office lacks power, respect and dignity and anyone can still speak to you as MD the way they like without respect and reverence, you wouldn’t want to work so hard to become an MD. Truth is what makes the office or position of the MD attractive is the value placed by people on it and the power package, not the workload and the stress tied to the position.
We want to look good because of people, we want to be rich to impress people, we want to succeed to attract people, we want to be wealthy to attract people, nearly everything we do in life is but to get people to deal and relate with you the way you like it.
Without people around you, parties and celebrations can never hold; parties and celebrations are people-centered not food drinks and music centered.
In reality, over 90 percent of your choices and decisions today are influenced by the opinions of men and your desire for popularity, acceptance and love.
As much as we try, we still fail most times in sustaining great relationships with people around us including family members, colleagues, neighbors, friends, and even our spouses. Many of us today are not happy basically due to relationship challenges and failures.
The fact is many of us can still handle even very tough challenges in life if we have people standing with and by us through it all.
Loneliness, isolation and rejection leave us vulnerable to the attacks and challenges of life.
Even now if you do a quick check on why, if you’re not very happy today, it is likely going to be tied to someone; your spouse, your children, a friend, a colleague, your boss, your landlord, a neighbour, your parents, siblings or a business associate.
What is even more intriguing is the fact that we can’t even sustain a good relationship with ourselves. We fail ourselves and get angry at ourselves. There are times when you feel so stupid and mad at you because you’ve done something silly or acted way out of your personal principles and belief hence, you’re not happy with yourself.
In fact many of us today have so failed ourselves to the point where we don’t like ourselves anymore. We have disappointed ourselves to the point where we have refused to forgive ourselves and we are self-haters. Consequently, we allow others treat us very brashly and without any form of respect because we feel we deserved to be punished for failing ourselves and disappointing ourselves so badly.
We then refuse to defend or protect ourselves from danger or stay out of harm’s way. We live very dangerous lives and at the extreme believing we deserve to die for this self-relationship failure. Many have degenerated to the point where they are used, abused, beaten up and violated by people, yet they feel they deserve the treatment; drug abuse and prostitution often times are major indicators of self-relationship failures.
We find it hard to forgive the wrong we’ve done to ourselves, we find it hard to forgive ourselves for hurting people that loved us so much and we find it hard to recover from the shame of failing key people in our lives that had high expectations from us.
We can’t forgive ourselves for being so bad, so incompetent, so dull and temperamental, we can’t forgive ourselves for cheating on our spouses, stealing from our employers, punishing our children unfairly, hitting our spouses and sinning against God, we have a bad relationship with ourselves for being weak, for being imperfect, for being…human. Hmmm.
Dear friend, having and enjoying very cordial relationships with people is really not rocket science. It is not that difficult, as much as you’ve struggled for so long to just enjoy that fantastic relationship doesn’t make great relationships that difficult.
I’ve personally struggled for many years with relationships with many and different people including me, but today I have peace of mind and rest when I started to live by these set of beliefs. They are as follows:
In your mind take responsibility for them and make efforts to make them better people because in truth our desperation for love, acceptance and popularity is what brings out the worst in us.
When you love and help and accept all, you win all. When you cease to be a judge but a father to all, you become a people person. I tell you, my friend, nothing in this life can be more fulfilling and gratifying than touching lives. Be a people person. Enjoy your day.