Every time I look up the latest feeds on my messenger, I notice she has a new status update. She puts up these updates so frequently like every thirty minutes and she changes her display picture as well. The comments and information on her profile are obviously targeted at a friend who is my contact as well as hers.
She was fighting him, she was upset at him, she felt hurt, betrayed, let down and discarded, she felt he had no right treating her the way he did, she drew the battle line, she wanted to get back at him.
She is single and quite mature, a bit desperate for a relationship and marriage, she claims he led her on; giving an impression he liked her, he used to pay her a lot of attention and showed so much care, then after 6 weeks, he introduces his fiancée who came visiting from a different part of the country! ‘Why didn’t he tell her from the start?’ she claims, at least she wouldn’t be assuming and hoping for anything. That, according to her, was his offence, she became angry and made plans to hurt him back.
I intervened and pleaded with her to let it go, she wouldn’t, she insists she would get back at him, it’s been three weeks now and she’s still putting up all sorts of hate messages on her phone and social media accounts; her contacts and friends now know something is the matter with her, her hurt and upset is in the open for all who cares to know, and I ask myself to what end?
Dear friends, are you currently in a fight? By this I do not mean physical combat, I mean emotional and psychological battle.
Truth is many of us are constantly in a fight, we’re always engaging in combats with different people around us. Some of us are fighting our spouses, our siblings, our relatives, our friends, our colleagues, our bosses, our neighbours and very many people around us.
These are people we’ve had dealings with or are still dealing with and they’ve wronged us and hurt us so bad. Some betrayed us, lied to us, lied against us, conspired against us, let out our secrets, deceived us, used us, oppressed us, embarrassed us, disgraced us, were wicked to us and some are just vile competitors.
We consequently engage in emotional and psychological battle against all these people; not letting anything go, not letting anything pass, we keep thinking, planning and strategizing on how to win the mind and psychological game.
We want to outsmart and out play them eventually making them the losers; disgracing, embarrassing and subjecting them to ridicule. We do fight, yes, many of us are in a fight all the time, but the truth is, not all fights are worth it, not all fights should be fought.
Dear friend, this life is a battle ground, and consistently, whether you like it or not, want it or not, caused it or not, life will bring battles to you – to your doorstep.
Life would bring people your way that would come try you and test your patience. They will hurt you, attack you and upset you for no just cause.
People would come to attack your person, attack your joy, attack your peace; attack your possessions, attack your marriage and relationships; and even your right to be happy, peaceful and progressive in life.
In this life, people won’t let you be no matter how much you chose to mind your own business. They will never leave you in peace; they would always bring you a fight.
Dear friend, if you chose not to fight in life, you would lose everything even your own very life. You must fight to retain all your blessings and delightful experiences and possessions. You must defend all that is yours if not, people would take them away from you.
For no just cause people would come after your husband, come after your wife, come after your marriage, come after your kids, come after your family, attack your parents, attach your business, attack your job, attack almost everything you hold precious. If you chose to remain indifferent, you may lose everything you’ve earned and laboured for in life, hence, a fight is necessary to protect and keep what is rightfully yours.
However my dear friend, it is not every fight that you must fight, fight only the good fights. Don’t just fight because someone upset you or wronged you. It’s not every challenger that deserves your time, energy, upset or attention. Some people actually come after you to upset you because they want to reduce you to their level.
It is not everyone that is deserving of your anger and upset, in fact the best way to win a battle against some people is to ignore them, pretend as though they do not even exist.
Also do not fight out of anger. It is not wise to act based on feelings, it is okay to get angry, but let your reaction or outburst be purposeful. Don’t just get angry because you want to get angry, show anger when and if it will bring a desired outcome or result. Now don’t confuse anger with attack. Anger is an expression of displeasure against or about a subject matter and not an attack on anyone.
Don’t fight because you’re angry, if you do, you’ll make mistakes. Fight for a purpose, not for emotions.
Also do not fight for vengeance. Do not invest energy, time and effort into planning vengeance, it is cheap and crass. Its small minds that plan revenge, great minds mature on hurts and disappointments; they use it to their advantage. Never revenge. When you revenge you release your offender from the prison of guilty conscience. The best form of vengeance is kindness. When you’re good to those who persecute you, you confuse them, disarm them and make them feel like devils. It’s extremely painful and heart rending when someone you hurt does you good and shows you kindness instead of harm. You subsequently become psychologically enslaved.
Do not fight for vengeance, when you do, it leaves you empty and at times worthless after the act.
Do not fight also, simply because you know you will win. Why distract yourself unnecessarily with issues that don’t matter. Why fight when you’re sure you can’t lose? Cheap victories are not usually fun; they’re boring and dull. Don’t fight someone simply because you know you can easily deal with the person. Be classy.
Dear friend, only fight if in winning there is something to gain. What is the essence of a victory without a trophy, glory or prize as reward?
When you chose to engage in any emotional or psychological battle with anyone, ask and be sure there is something in it for you to win.
Be strategic in your battles through life, fight to preserve, fight for reward, fight for glory; great glory not vain glory, be classy in your fights, don’t fight dirty, fix your eyes on the matter and the reward and keep your mind on the goal and purpose. Don’t fight people, fight issues.
In your fights you must be effective at people management, don’t let them tear you down or slow you down, only fight if it improves you, promotes you and moves you forward; remember, fight the issue not the person.
Many people today I know are fighting and are in serious emotional and psychological battle and pain for closure; but closure is really an issue of mind set and perspective. Move away from the hurt and pain; let go of the bad experience, go for gains and profit, it’s a better battle. When you fight, fight a good fight. Fight issues, not people. That’s a good fight.