Mar 9, 2018         7238         2 Comments        

A very bright young man with a promising future, I looked at him and felt really sorry for him. He didn’t understand life and was just unwilling to understand life. He was not properly raised I guessed, his parents and the environment he grew up didn’t deal him proper values in his growing up years. His thinking and mentality were so unrealistic, suspicious and self-limiting. He didn’t just think he had the capacity to help himself in life unless and until someone helped him out in everything.

In his mid-thirties with daunting responsibilities for a wife and three children, he was in deep financial crisis again and needed urgent intervention if not, he would sink.

Many times before the day of this meeting, we’ve had discussions and conversations about his ambition, passion and capacity to earn enough money to carter for his family and raise his kids well. He was, however, unwilling to consider and carry out my advice, he believed in his unsubstantiated conviction that he is destined to make it in life as a music artiste.

To be candid this young man loves music, he loves to sing and many times he’s written songs and tried to record some of them, but his voice, unfortunately, is awful. Secondly, he doesn’t really understand rhythm and beats and he fails at timing; hence I had to tell him, perhaps music is not his gift or calling and he should consider other vocations and means of livelihood.

But he wouldn’t listen. In his opinion, success is about passion and commitment, and if you focus long enough on what you’re passionate about, eventually it would pay off.

I asked him where he heard that from, he said he didn’t hear it from anywhere, he said, it’s just what he believes. And for many years, he’s remained broke and unsuccessful in his chosen career. His family keeps struggling real hard and he’s mostly in pain and distress because he is so broke. Friends and family often avoid him because of his frequency of borrowing and unfortunately, he appears to be wasting his time chasing a dream he lacks the gift and capacity to succeed at.

Many of us today are enduring complex and difficult lives perhaps based on a lack of self-revelation. We hardly know ourselves, we hardly appreciate ourselves and we consequently can’t successfully deploy ourselves.

We want to believe what we are comfortable with, we want to believe what someone we admire told us, and we want to also retain the principles and teachings of those who raised us, even if, they’ve failed time and time again and are no longer relevant in this era.

Dear friend, the counsel today is not to ignore suggestions, advice and admonishing from other people, no,  but whatever they share with you must be substantiated with proof of performance and results in their own lives and/or lives of people they know and you know.

As imperfect people, we naturally want to believe and do what we like not what is right. What we like is convenient but lacks result, what is right may be inconvenient but would deliver dividends at the end of the day.

I’ve lost count of the number of people who have approached me in time past for advice and counsel on how they can live more comfortable lives.

They were perhaps facing financial challenges or relationship challenges and I try to advice on what they could do to overcome these problems. Some of them would begin to make excuses and become subjective in their analysis hence rejecting a solution that will work.

Sometimes their pride gets in the way, their arrogance gets in the way and their lack of willpower gets in the way.

It’s really very upsetting when someone approaches you for financial assistance over and over again and you eventually introduce a lucrative business to them, hoping they would jump at the opportunity and begin work immediately only to realize they really don’t want to earn money, they are happy and prefer your regular handouts instead of them working to earn enough and stop borrowing.

You ask some people in dire financial need to join you in business, work with you on a project or you offer them something to do with which they can earn, and it will surprise you, they’ll conclude you’re trying to use them because of their unfortunate condition. They tell you, you’re trying to exploit them and use them to make yourself more money.

And sadly, even if they will surely make money joining you in the project, the mere fact you would also gain from it would make them decline carrying out the task and making some cash for themselves.

They’ll rather stay broke than do something that will fetch you more money even if it would help their own financial condition too.

Many people with dysfunctional thinking and empty philosophies are so untrusting of other people. They are arrogant in ignorance and wouldn’t think through on how they can truly come out of their dwindling financial or relational misfortunes.

They conclude successful and rich people are rather lucky or criminal in their dealings. Even without any evidence or proof of this believe, they will still not let it go, they will convince themselves, there is a dark secret to your success beyond hard work, knowledge, and excellence in your dealings.

Some people keep getting fired from their place of employment like every three to six months yet it’s the employers that have issues; they are not the ones. Some can’t hold down a good relationship successfully for 3 months, the problem is always with the other person, people just can’t understand them.

Ladies and gentlemen, your life cannot progress, advance and produce superior results to your personal philosophies. How you think, what you’re convinced about, what you choose to believe will either elevate you or limit you in life.

Purge your mind of all self-limiting thoughts and unsubstantiated philosophies and engage fresh thinking.

Your thinking creates your life, as your thinking will determine your attitude towards everything either good or bad.

Ladies and gentlemen, perhaps today is a good day for a sincere self-assessment. If you’re struggling financially what really is the cause? For one moment stop blaming someone else or the system. As long as people are still succeeding in finance legitimately, the opportunities are there. What should you be doing but you’re not doing? What should you be learning but you’ve refused to learn? What skills and capacities should you have developed but you’re ignoring? For how long have you been obviously wrong in thinking you have answers when in truth you don’t have them?

You’re making loses at a business a friend or associate is making back to back profit in, but instead of humbling yourself to learn how he’s doing it, you’re jealous, speaking ill of him and still trying to do it your own way, yet you keep failing.

You’re struggling in your relationship and instead of applying the magic words you were taught as far back as primary school to fix your relationship; pride, arrogance and self-justification have kept you bound in unhappiness, loneliness and despair.  Simple words like I’m sorry, I apologize, thank you, I appreciate, please forgive me would resolve everything but you wouldn’t, as somewhere in your mind, you’ll rather manipulate your partner than apologize. And all you’ve worked to build together, you’re destroying daily based on your stubbornness, as you think you really know this person when you perhaps don’t really know him or her as much as you think you do.

My dear friend, how do you think? What are your personal and acquired philosophies? How well have they worked for you? How well have they promoted you, improved you and made you a better and more successful person?

Your philosophies are very important to your progress and accomplishments in this life. If you think wrong, you’ll pay for it, but if you think right you’ll earn and gain much from it. Come on challenge the way you think, drop negative and self-serving emotions, be objective about your life and reorder your personal philosophies. Think right and you’ll live right and happy.


  1. Felix Masoyi Kiddams says:

    You are right on point sir, I am challenged. God bless you

  2. Joseph says:

    Okolo Joseph Ebiloma

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