Taiwo came to my office hoping I would help her find another job. She is currently working in a very good organisation, she loves the job, her superiors are fantastic, they have literally grown her and what’s more, the distance from her office to her home is quite short hence she’s usually home on time to attend to her children and husband. The salary is also quite impressive. So Why does she want to quit?
About two months earlier she was promoted to the level of territorial sales supervisor from managing just one sales outlet of the business, meaning all the other outlet managers in the territory would now report to her. She is to ensure they do their jobs well, manage the outlets effectively, drive sales and send in their reports to her regularly and promptly.
She was very happy and grateful for this elevation but her happiness turned to frustration soon enough because of her best friend and colleague at work.
Dupe is Taiwo’s colleague and best friend. They were both outlet managers before Taiwo was promoted, but after Taiwo’s promotion however, things became different. Dupe couldn’t handle the fact that she would now have to report to Taiwo her friend. She didn’t like it that Taiwo would send her instructions on new things to do, supervise her work and request for regular reports.
Dupe made Taiwo’s job as supervisor a bit difficult as she would hardly cooperate with Taiwo. She flayed every instruction from Taiwo, argued with her, challenged her views and wouldn’t send in her reports on time. All other outlet managers cooperated well with Taiwo, she had no issues with them at all, only her best friend Dupe was frustrating her efforts.
Dupe became so difficult and it got to a point, Taiwo had to do her a mail and copy the GM just to ensure Dupe sends in her report in good time as it was affecting Taiwo’s report submission time as she also has to collate all reports and send to the GM in good time.
I guess this was the excuse Dupe was waiting for, for a fight with Taiwo. Dupe fought Taiwo to pieces, reported her to everyone who cared to listen and told everyone Taiwo, her best friend wanted her fired. Most people took sides with Dupe and blamed Taiwo for copying the GM in the mail that made Dupe look bad at her job.
This frustrated Taiwo and that’s why she came to me to help her secure another employment. She couldn’t handle the tension and friction with her friend and other biased colleagues.
As I continued to speak with Taiwo, I discovered the reason for her sensitivity in the matter. I mean why should you feel bad and guilty about your promotion and about doing the right thing when a so called friend wants to frustrate your work?
She then told me when she was much younger, after secondary school, she passed her SSCE and Jamb with flying colours and was eager to go to the University, unfortunately, her twin brother Kehinde, didn’t do very well and her parents felt it wouldn’t look appropriate for her to be at the university and her twin brother in a state polytechnic so she was forced to attend the same state polytechnic as her twin brother.
Also she was fortunate to meet her husband-to-be much earlier than her elder sister met hers. Taiwo was much ready for marriage but her parents insisted she shouldn’t get married until her elder sister found someone and got married. Taiwo had to wait another 3 years for her sister before she was allowed to get married.
Obviously, Taiwo has been raised to take responsibility and feel guilty if other people in her life weren’t doing as well and progressing as fast. She’s been raised to tie her life and progress and success to those of other folks in and around her life.
Ladies and gentlemen, it’s possible you were raised this way too one way or another. But I’d like to say this to you today, never tie your life to anyone’s life no matter who they are or how close they are.
In this world, the creator designed us differently and for unique, independent, individual purposes. Pacing your progress and responsibility on earth with that of another is a sin.
It is counterproductive to make the faster, more brilliant and more efficient wait for the slower and less capable.
Any home, institution or nation where the less capable and less competent is made to feel comfortable at the expense of the more competent and capable cannot progress.
There are people who wouldn’t wear certain kind of clothes, buy the cars they want, or live in the neighbourhood they want simply because they do not want friends, relatives and family who can’t afford all these to feel bad or get envious.
Many have given up great dreams and opportunities for education, employment, business, connection, promotion and more money because they do not want their friends, siblings, a kind boss or even spouse to feel bad.
A sensible husband will be proud and will encourage a progressive wife to go for her dreams and he wouldn’t be threatened by her progress. A wise and secure wife will support the aspirations and dreams of a progressive husband and not think when he makes more money, he would spend it on other women or dump her for another finer babe.
Dear friend, I plead with you, don’t slow down on your vision, dreams and goals because of a friend, a colleague, a sibling or spouse who can’t handle it.
Lately I’m getting irritated by the number of ladies resigning from very good employments and opportunities not because they want to or they have superior alternatives, but because their husband’s or lover’s are not comfortable with it.
An insecure lover or husband is probably a husband without a clear vision, dream or personal ambition. A man that feels insecure about the progress of his wife or fiancé in my opinion is not qualified or mature enough for marriage whether he’s 15 or 50.
If your fear is that she would become proud and rebellious if she’s richer or more successful, it’s probably because you lack a personal plan or strategy to be more successful than her no matter how successful she becomes.
A woman earning a million a month will always bow to a husband earning 10 million a month, I promise you – money got levels. If she wouldn’t respect you when she has money, I assure you she still wouldn’t respect you if she has nothing, which makes it a character problem not a consequence of her success.
As head of the home, if your wife is chasing 1 million, start chasing 10 million instead of using that energy to suppress and oppress and stop her growth and progress.
Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time to release yourself from the guilt of outgrowing others. It is very okay to outgrow friends, colleagues, associates, siblings and even your mentors.
Any nation or society where rapid growth and healthy competition is encouraged, there is good progress. Any nation where policies are in place to relegate and subjugate the smarter, the faster, and the superior so as to make the weaker and slower comfortable, progress will be very slow.
My dear friend, stop living for slower people and useless sentiments. Go for your goals, pursue your dreams, enjoy your success, let your glory show forth, Arise and shine, let your life and success be attractive and glorious, surprise humanity with all the great things your maker deposited in you. Don’t be ashamed of your great glory. Let it shine!
Anyone unhappy and insecure about your progress and success in life is a household enemy. Avoid them and gravitate towards people that can handle your great life. Let go of the guilt of your superior success. Dear friends, it’s okay to outgrow others.