TODAY ON FRANKLY SPEAKING – CONFRONTING AND EVADING

Mar 22, 2017         3752         8 Comments        

Many years ago in my days of paid employment, I used to work in a team of marketing experts with excellence driven, extremely intelligent and competent leadership.

 In our Monday morning meetings each one of managers were expected to report on their various bits and obtain guidance, advice and support from other members of the team.

This experience was not a piece of cake; your report must be tight, accurate, flawless and coherent. If by any chance there is a gap in your report or an indication you didn’t address an issue you reported sufficiently, you’re definitely going to come under severe fire and criticism by many members of the team, they won’t stop unless and until our director intervened.

Consequently, these meetings became a much revered experience, for some of us it became an emotional struggle or battle as it were, we would work hard crossing the Is and dotting the Ts to make sure we’re not the scape goat of any of these meetings.

One of my friends; a colleague then had serious difficulties handling these intense and tension soaked meetings. Every time it was his turn to report his bit, he would immediately begin to sweat profusely.

He would lose coordination and coherence; he would begin to mix up his numbers and report sequence. In the course of reporting his bit, he would have apologized like ten times for nothing; he keeps using ‘I’m sorry’ as punctuation and by the time he’s done with his presentation many team members are confused and unsure of what he said or they heard; consequently the questions begin to pour and my friend would come under serious fire and pressure.

Why I found this quite disturbing was the fact that before we go in for these meetings, my friend would have shared his report and numbers with me, we would have gone through it together and everything would be okay. But as soon as he begins to report, he’ll make a mess of a good, well put together and accurate report.

This probably used to happen to my friend simply because of his personality profile, he happens to be an evader, not a confronter.

Personality profiles can be placed at times under two major categories; the evaders and the confronters.

Evaders are those who can’t handle challenges, issues and problems.  They hate trouble, and anything negative. They hate to face their challenges and problems confidently and consciously, they would always wish challenges, issues and problems would never occur or would disappear, they love peace at any cost; even grave yard peace.

Confronters on the other hand are strong, confident and bold. These are objective people who honestly and objectively face problems and challenges and do all within their power to resolve or solve them.

Confronters are not afraid of unpleasant situations; they are mature and strong enough to accept the fact that life situations can be rough and unfavorable sometimes, hence when it comes, they face it.

Many intelligent, creative and useful employees today are perceived by their employers as weak, incompetent and slow simply because they are by nature evaders.

The purpose of employment naturally is to allot you a role, responsibility and charge over an aspect or area of the business so that you’ll solve all the problems and challenges that may arise on that bit.

You are of course employed to solve problems and create value. But if you have an evasive temperament, you’re likely going to appear to lack competence or charge over that role because you lack the nerve, confidence and trait to face problems and solve them regularly and consistently.

This has little to do with your intelligence, skills or abilities; it’s a personality weakness that must be dealt with.

In today’s world, many people are in hurt and disappointment especially in their social circles over the behaviors and actions of people close to them with an evasive personality trait.

Many homes today are in disarray and problems because the man has an evasive personality so when his relatives launch attacks and bring problems to his home, he can’t effectively stand up to them and protect his wife and children.

Some men hate confrontations with close friends and people they admire. Simply because they want to avoid arguments and quarrels, these so called friends begin to take advantage; controlling and manipulating these evaders making them do things they don’t want to do, go to places they don’t want to go, indulge in habits they naturally wouldn’t and live lives they are not pleased with. But they wouldn’t resist; they’re avoiding confrontation.

Many beautiful, intelligent and great women today have become prisoners of emotional issues; they are unfortunately attached to men who are troublesome, abusers and users. These men use them; use their minds, use their bodies and their monies.

They do know these men are manipulators and advantage takers, but they keep quiet and endure hardship silently because they hate confrontation; they are evaders by nature at the end of the day, they lose out.

Many powerful organizations with great potentials for growth have sadly lost the required sense of direction and purpose. They keep losing their best hands and the opportunity for success simply because they have an evader as a leader.

When an evader is at the helms of affairs in any company, many senior subordinates begin to arrogate to themselves undue power, they subsequently begin to oppress and suppress other members of staff who unfortunately can’t enjoy the protection and support of the leader simply because the leader is an evader; he wouldn’t want to confront these senior personnel.

A major problem we’re perhaps facing in Nigeria today is the huge number of intelligent, hardworking and profoundly good people who unfortunately are evaders. They know the right thing, they know what to do, they know the core of our national issues but because they are evaders, they avoid any form of clash or confrontation with incompetent and insensitive people in positions and unfortunately have to live under and obey the laws put in place by the less competent.

My dear friend, for how long do you want to keep running away from your realities? For how long would you keep wishing away real issues and problems, for how long would you keep enduring unnecessary pain and frustration? For how long would you keep harboring anger, bitterness and un-forgiveness against friends, siblings, parents, relatives, spouses, your colleagues and bosses? Don’t you suppose it is better to confront them, discuss it, resolve things and move on from there?

Hitherto you may be unaware of the fact that you have an evasive personality type but now you know, so please find help and deal with it.

Face your problems honestly and objectively, don’t avoid or pretend about these issues. It is normal and general to have problems and challenges in life, it’s not just you; it’s part of living.

When you opt to face your issues and confront your challenges, you become more confident, more competent, stronger and self-reliant.  You stop being afraid of unpleasant situations in your work place and personal life.

Don’t let fear keep you low and your head bowed. You must look up and face every adversity with confidence and hope. You are up to the task; you can handle the job, the responsibility and challenge. Yes you can do it.

It’s time to set yourself free from that abusive relationship, that oppressive association, that intimidating occasion and that life of subjugation.

Be factual, realistic, objective and truthful in confronting people and situations. Avoid sentiments, emotional dispositions and self-pity. Don’t be quarrelsome, just be confident, do the needful, set yourself free.

8 responses to “TODAY ON FRANKLY SPEAKING – CONFRONTING AND EVADING”

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